Frazzled

Is it possible to cut back on my work schedule any farther and still be actually working? I guess I will have to find out. Today is not my day. B lied about brushing her teeth, not happy about lying. J dirtied 2 clean shirts and got something sticky in her hair before she managed to get out the door for preschool. L screamed non stop, stood on the table threw her shoe at my head, spilled her cereal, and dumped a pencil sharpener out on the floor. During this time Daniel had two teleconferences (7am, and 8am), and had to drop both kids off at school at 7:45am and 9am. I packed 3 lunches, got everyone ready, and tried to work a shift from 7:30-11:30am. That did not work because L was screaming and throwing shoes at my head, which forced me to be unable to concentrate, which caused me to be unable to successfully calibrate on the question that I was supposed to be scoring today. So, I only "worked" for the 45 minutes it took me to fail my sample set of essays. I'm supposed to be at a Brownie meeting at 4:30, and will either have to bring all the kids with me, or call out sick (mentally sick that is).

Why don't I quit my job you ask? It's not like I "have to" work you say? I don't quit because I love to work. The little bit of work that I am able to do from home feeds my brain. It is the only thing that I do that is not for or about the peas and Daniel. It is the tiny little piece of my life that is not about being the "mama". Maybe when I decided to have 4 children I forfeited my right to have anything to myself at all. It's entirely possible, and I guess I may have to make peace with that.

Next time scheduling comes around, I will cut back yet again to maybe 2, 4 hour evening shifts a week during scoring sessions (which is not even all that often). If I'm lucky it will be just enough to keep me "on the rolls" so to speak. If it is not, I guess I will be officially unemployed.