Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Not looking forward to Swim Suit Season

Watch out. Here comes a pathetic vent about something which I logically know is unimportant...but nags at me nonetheless.

Okay, so I know it is December. I probably violated some sort of rule when I tried on my new Modbe suits that came in the mail yesterday. But seriously?! I need to get Jillian Michaels back up in this place and burn that freaking 10 extra pounds off! The sight of my own stomach makes me want to cry. A friend of mine says that my self flagellation is due to me being a perfectionist. My husband agrees with her. I mean really, is 10 pounds more than my self proclaimed IDEAL weight really that important? The BMI charts suggest that I am on the low end of normal weight. The BMI charts clearly haven't seen my severe case of muffin top.

I don't care what other people weigh. I generally don't even notice other people's weight at all unless they are dangerously obese. So maybe I'm a little screwed up. I blame it on spending 27 years of being really, noticeably thin, while eating like a horse. Getting older stinks. Am I being obsessive about 10 measly pounds? Yes, yes I am. I have strong feelings about not letting things snowball. First it's 10 pounds, then it's 20, then the next thing you know you're completely unhealthy. I'm also secretly afraid that my hypothyroid is behind this, and I'll never be 104 pounds again. That would make me sad. I really need to channel some of this angst into action.

Thanks for not calling me a skinny B. I understand that no one really wants to listen to someone my size complain about their weight. It's squishy belly bothers me just as much as someone bigger. A squishy muffin top looks no better in size 2 pants then it does in size 12 me. If anything it is more noticeable in the size 2's.

Vent over. Yes, I know it's petty and vain and stupid. I like to keep things honest here.


Suzy Q said...

I am so with you. Everyone say's I'm looking fine but I know MUCH better when I look in the mirror after a shower. Or go through the drive up at the bank that now shows me up on camera so I know EXACTLY what I look like sitting there all yucky in the car. I really do wonder if it's the c-section thing? Tummy tuck savings fund, that's what we need. :)

Erika said...

We should form a gang of women who have had 4+ c-sections. I really think it was the 4th one that did my stomach in.

Lelani said...

oh girls, girls, girls. it's everything: pregnancy which stretches the skin, c-section, aging, hormones, and muscle going flabby. since I'm at least 10 years ahead of you, I can tell you this much: every year you need to step up the exercise and reduce consumption. ha ha ha otherwise, yeah, it catches up overnight. I've had to just increase the exercise enough that I don't have to change my eating habits. but that means a faithful 5 days a week of at least 30 mins. welcome to the wonderful world of aging!! enjoy it before you have to start coloring every two weeks. ha ha

emilyw said...

Just got back from Hawaii and found an older, much heavier woman looking at me from behind the mirror in the hotel. Who is she? And when did she possess my body? Ugh to bathing suits!!!